No I'd Be a Better Gay!
by imdrowninginfootwear
Summary: The brothers get in a fight over who would be a better gay strictly hypothetically Dean and Sam fight over Ruby and Sam's nicknames with a deathbet, Weechesters make John a present, prank war gets a new meaning, Cas hears Witch Doctor. Drabble series. Leaving it as complete for now, although that may change in the future.
1. No I'd Be a Better Gay

Sam walked into his hotel room to find his brother smirking while looking at something on a computer screen.

"Dean what are you doing on my laptop?" Sam asked.

"I found a pimp name generator, Reverend Doctor S. Love," Dean said bursting into laughter.

Sam leaned over his brother and typed something.

"Yeah well at least my name isn't Vicious D. Dean Slither," Sam said laughing.

"No I think yours is worse," Dean commented.

Dean typed Bobby's name in and the site came up with the name Master Fly Singer Trump.

"This is what you do when you're stuck in a hotel room all day?" Sam asked cynically.

"Well I watched some porn, but that got old," Dean argued. "And I didn't do this all day. . . I also found a prison bitch name generator . . ."

"And what was I?" Sam sighed.

"Squealing Piglet," Dean informed him.

"What was yours?" Sam asked.

"Mouth-Mangler," Dean muttered under his breath barely audible.

Sam burst into a laughing fit so intense that it caused him to break into tears.

"You know what shut up, if we ever went to prison believe me I wouldn't be anyone's bitch!" Dean argued a little too hardily.

"Oh you'll just collect all the pretty boys?" Sam asked oh-so-innocently.

"You're just jealous because you're not one of them," Dean said snootily while closing the laptop.

"Uh-huh that's it. . . I'm jealous because if we were in prison you'd rape other people and not me . . . you really thought that one through Dean," Sam said sarcastically.

"Well wouldn't you at least be a little upset if I started raping people?" Dean asked sadly.

"Not with jealousy genius, I'd be pissed you were a rapist in general if that helps at all," Sam said trying to cheer his brother up. "But its not like I want to have sex with you."

"Well then you'll have no problem, the boys would be lining up to be my bitch!" Dean said in a bragging tone.

"Dean are you gay?" Sam asked.

"No, I'm just saying if it came to it I'd be a better gay than you would," Dean argued.

"With your fashion sense? Right," Sam said sarcastically. "Plus I actually care about people's feelings."  
>"Yeah, but I'm actually good looking. What guy in their right mind would want to hook up with you?" Dean inquired.<p>

"One who had the option of me and you," Sam answered.

"Not true, I've had plenty of guys hit on me," Dean said defensively.

"Yeah after they hit on me," Sam argued. "And besides are you a 'big fat piece of man candy'?"

"No, I'm a 'hot young thang' and a 'tasty jar of marmalade,'" Dean bragged.

"That last one is actually kind of disturbing," Sam responded.

"You're just jealous you weren't called one," Dean accused.

"Yeah well have _you_ ever kissed a guy?" Sam asked.

"More than once," Dean responded.

"Hey Dean?" Sam said warily, but suddenly serious.

"Yeah Sammy?" Dean answered.

"I'm gay," Sam said staring at a section of the floor which had suddenly become the most fascinating thing in the room for him. . . he had to keep staring and avoid eye contact with his brother for fear of his reaction.

"Me too Sammy," Dean responded finding a section of the roof to stare at.

"Wanna go to a gay bar?" Sam asked.

"Let's go."

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><p><strong><span>AN: Please read and review! I'm debating making this into a series of drabbles so please review and tell me if that's a good idea or not. This was just a short one shot, hope you liked it!**


	2. Mr Demonblood and Mrs Redbull

"De-ean! Your boyfriend's trying to kill my girlfriend again!" Sam whined.

"Well Ruby _is_ a demon," Dean said sounding like he didn't really give a rat's ass if she lived or not.

"Yeah and what's Cas? Your perfect little angel?" Sam asked bitterly.

"Dude, think about that for a second," Dean suggested.

"Oh," Sam said quietly. "Well I still don't think perfect is the right word."

"Says Mr. Demonblood," Dean argues.

"Dean shut up, we're not having this argument again," Sam told him angstily.

"Okay, have fun finding a new dealer when your girlfriend's dead," Dean said smiling as he watched Cas trying to catch Ruby, but was really just chasing her around in circles.  
>"I think I'll take my chances," Sam said laughing as the scene played out.<p>

"He's just waiting for me to tell him to strike," Dean said mischievously.

"Like a dog?" Sam asked.

"No Sam my boyfriend is not a dog, and he's not just here as an energy drink like your girlfriend," Dean said angrily.

"My girlfriend is not an energy drink! We're in love and we're getting married!" Sam yelled beginning to cry.

"Umm, I don't think so," Ruby said from the other side of the room where her and Cas were now playing a rather civilized game of chess.

"Just in love?"

"Uh-uh"

"And not getting married?"

"Nope."

Dean just began to laugh.

"Oh and by the way I've heard you're nickname for her. Red Bull, really? You're girlfriend is so an energy drink!" Dean gloated.

"Not once in my life have I ever called her that Dean,"Sam argued.

"Wanna bet it on her life?" Dean asked raising his eyebrows up and down.

"Sure, because you're wrong Dean," Sam whined.

Dean pulled out his cell phone and began looking for something in it.

"The good thing about having an angel boyfriend is he's good at spying," Dean bragged handing Sam the phone which was now open to a video.

Sam hit the play button to see him and Ruby exchanging blood.

"Have you had enough?" Ruby asked.

"Yes my six-pack of Red Bull," Sam responded in a voice that Dean guessed was supposed to be sweet.

"I hate you," Sam said pouting.

"I know, but the good news is you don't have to complete the last seal and be Lucifer's vessel . . . and you don't have to go to Hell and lose your soul, so that's a bonus! And she was working with Lilith anyways. Kill her Cas!"

"Wait what about seals and Lucifer? . . . And Hell and souls?" Sam asked confused.

"Oh nothing," Dean said as Ruby falls to the floor dead thanks to Cas's magic touch.

"No!" Sam yelled over-dramatically. "We were going to help orphans, and breed squirrels, and sing opera, and have children, and meet Hannah Montana, and write angsty poetry, and braid each other's hair, and-"

He was cut off by Ruby coming back to life to say, "No we weren't."

She then used her demon-killing knife to slit her own throat so that she could never come back and have to co-exist with Sam Winchester again.

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><p><strong><span>AN: Please read and review! So drabble series it is. I'll try to update soon. Thanks for reading, hope you liked it. Oh and by the way the names from the name generators are ones that I actually got from typing their names in one last chapter.**


	3. Lego Castle

**WARNING: keep in mind that this is set in an alternate universe where Mary is still dead, but the Winchesters aren't hunters. This is set when Dean and Sam are youngins**

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><p>"Sam stop hogging all the blue Lego!" Dean complained.<p>

"Fine, you can have the blue, but I get the red," Sam said shoving a pile of green Lego towards him.

"Do you think he'll like it?" Dean asked as he stood up on a chair to add more pieces of Lego to the top of the tower.

"Yeah," Sam said. "We're running out, there's only 12 pieces left."

"That should be enough," Dean said. "But it's starting to tip, here you hold it up for now, I'll go get something to keep it from falling."

Sam agreed and Dean walked slightly down the hallway to a dresser.

He pushed it towards their tower.

"This is heavy," He complained, continuing to push.  
>"You're almost there," Sam told him.<p>

A few minutes later the boys had managed to place the dresser next to the tower so that the tower was leaning against it.

"Lets wake him up right now," Sam said.

"Okay. I'll count down from three then we'll yell his name at the top of our lungs, okay?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded his head.

"3 . . . 2 . . . . 1"

"DAD!" The boys yelled together.

John Winchester woke up to the sound of his sons screaming,

"What?" He yelled back.

"Do you like it?" Sam yelled through the doorway.

"We built you a castle," Dean added.

John sat up to see that every wall of his room was practically covered with Lego, shaped into various towers.

He got out of bed and walked towards the door.

"Most castles have a door you guys," John said through the door.

"There is one," Dean said confused.

Sure enough they had left a hole in the middle of the doorway just big enough for someone to fit through.

"There's something blocking the doorway," John said.

"That's the dresser," Sam said not understanding what John's concern was.

"And why is the dresser blocking me from leaving my room?" John asked.

"To hold up the Lego," Dean told him.

"Which is making a castle in my room why?" John asked.

"Its your birthday!" Sam yelled.

"My birthday's in June," John told them.

"Are you sure?" Dean asked.

"It always has been," John told them.

"Then what's today?" Asked Dean.

"Easter," John said through the door. "That's why there was all the Lego hidden around the house.

"Oh."

"I'm going to have to climb through my window to get in and out of my room from now on, aren't I?" John asked.

"Yeah," Both the boys yelled through the door.

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><p><strong><span>AN: Please read and review. So I'm not exactly proud of this chapter, but I figured I may as well post it anyways. Sorry about how short this is. Thanks for reading.**


	4. Angels Exist to Help Winchesters Prank

When Sam Winchester entered Bobby Singer's house one day instantly Dean, Bobby, Cas, and a bunch of clowns jumped out.

"What the hell?" Sam asked nervously.

"Happy birthday Sammy," Dean said with a grin. "Like your surprise party?"

"There's clowns," Sam said grimly.

"That's what makes it so great," Dean said laughing.

"I brought the clowns," Cas said proudly, unaware of Sam's extreme fear of clowns.

"Bobby why did you let them do this?" Sam asked while backing away from a clown who appeared to be trying to get a hug from the birthday boy.

"What exactly was I supposed to do?" Bobby asked. "After all Dean's got an angel on his side."

"Cas can you get rid of the clowns?" Asked Sam.

"You don't like them?" Cas asked looking disappointed. "But Dean said you would."

"Dean was lying so he could get you to do something against me," Said Sam.

"But _I_ like the clowns," Said Cas, clearly not willing to get rid of them.

"What's wrong Chuckles? Does someone have a case of the grumpies?" Asked an especially creepy clown as he walked over to Sam.

Sam found himself cornered as the clown said, "I know how to fix this!"

Sam braced himself for whatever would happen next.

The clown embraced him in a hug and began to tickle him as Dean took picture after picture. In most of the pictures Sam was giving the camera the finger.

"You're a dick Dean," Shouted Sam in between laughs.

"I don't know, you seem pretty happy with the party to me," Taunted Dean.

"I'm going to get you back, you do realize that right?" Asked Sam as he kneed the clown in the crotch.

"Sure you will," Said Dean sarcastically.

Later that night when Dean and Bobby were sleeping and the clowns were gone Sam decided it was time to begin his revenge plan.

"You do realize that Dean was trying to get me mad at you right?" Sam asked Cas.

"Why would he do that?" The angel asked with a tilt of his head.

"Because he wants you on his side. To him you're just a slave. Have you noticed how he only ever calls you when he needs you?" Provoked Sam.

"Actually that's more of your thing," Corrected Cas. "After all Dean did take me to the den of iniquity."

"He forced you to be there just like he forced you to bring the clowns," Said Sam.

"If you're trying to get me to help you get revenge you don't have to talk me into it. If I helped Dean I must help you, it's only fair," Said Cas.

A grin spread across Sam's face as he began to explain the plan.

The next morning Dean woke up to Bobby's screaming.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" Asked Dean groggily.

"What the hell is wrong with your hair?" Asked Bobby.

"My hair?" Dean asked alarmed as he got up to run to the nearest mirror.

When he got there he saw that his hair was completely hot pink.

"Sam!" He yelled furiously.

"Yes?" Sam said innocently as he walked over.

"How did you dye my hair without waking me up?" Dean asked.

"Oh it's more than just dyed," Sam said with an evil grin.

"What does that mean?" Asked Dean who was clearly worried.

"I angel dyed it," Grinned the younger Winchester. "Your hair is going to grow that colour so get used to it."

"What? For how long?" Asked Dean.

"Forever," Sam said with a shrug. "By the way you might want to go look at your car."

"You did _not_ touch my baby," Dean growled.

"You're right I didn't, Cas did," Said Sam.

Dean walked to the window to see that his car matched his hair.

"Where is he? I'm gonna kill him," Said Dean looking for the angel.

"I wouldn't do that," Said Sam. "Your hair can't be dyed over and your car can't be painted over. Only Cas can reverse it and he gets to choose when to."

Dean walked over to the mirror again in shock, then a grin spread across his face.

"I kind of look like a clown, don't I?" Asked a smirking Dean.

Sam narrowed his eyes at his brother angrily.

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><p><strong><span>AN: Please read and review! Thanks for reading and I hope you liked this chapter :D Why don't you tell me if you did in a review *hint hint* ;)**


	5. Witch Doctor

Dean woke up to Cas shaking him awake.

"What? Can't it wait until morning?" Dean asked. "I've gotten four hours of sleep all week, whatever this case is it can wait until morning."

"I have something important to say and it isn't about a case," Cas said.

"What is it?" Dean asked when he realized that Cas wasn't going to continue without permission.

"Ooh eeh ooh ah aah ting tang walla walla bing bang," Cas said dead seriously.

"Have you been listening to Witch Doctor?" Dean asked groggily.

"Yes and it informed of what to tell you," Cas said.

"Cas, it's four am. I don't have the brainpower or patience for your riddles," Dean complained.

"But the song said it would work," Cas mused to himself.

"What would?" Dean asked thoroughly wondering why he was still involved in this conversation.

"It said that the witch doctor's advice was to tell you ooh eeh ooh ah aah ting tang walla walla bing bang. Perhaps I said it wrong," Cas said.

He made his way to the other side of the room and turned on Sam's laptop. Once it was loaded up he went to YouTube and found a video of Witch Doctor with lyrics.

As he was watching and listening to it Dean finally figured out what was going on.

Cas was still staring intently at the screen when Dean tried to speak. Cas shushed him and continued to study the screen.

"Cas are you trying to tell me that you fell in love with me?" Dean asked ignoring the shush with a smirk.

"So it did work," Cas said. "There must have just been a delay."

Dean laughed lightly and said, "You'd better get off of Sam's computer before he wakes up and kills you."

Cas quickly turned the laptop off and put it back into Sam's bag, then looked to Dean for what to do next.

"You sure have a weird way of asking people out," Dean said and Cas just continued to stare back. "Come here."

Dean patted beside himself on the bed and Cas walked over.

"Lay down," Dean told him gesturing to the other side of his bed.

"Why?" Cas asked as he obeyed.

"Because I'm going back to sleep," Dean told him, then wrapped an arm around Cas and closed his eyes.

Sam woke up early the next morning and sat up to see Dean sleeping with his arms wrapped around Cas like he was some big teddy bear instead of an angel of the lord. Cas was too busy studying Dean's face to look towards Sam.

Sam just smirked, then went to go get some breakfast.

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><p><strong><span>AN: Please read and review! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :D**


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